The Silver Bullet
Hello Awesome Human,
In the early days of our daughter’s illness, I remember well the constant search for ‘the’ thing that would make a difference. I initially believed that the medical profession would have an answer, or someone would tell me how to do what needed to be done. It took a while for me to realise the calvary weren’t coming and if anything was going to change, it would have to be down to us as a family.
For clarity, I now know of areas where people have had great support and services, both privately and on the NHS. My view is take all the help that is available, but also be prepared to do the lion’s share of the daily work.
Even when we do have a great treatment team on board, they can draw on their experience, but they don’t know what is right for you and your family. The exact kind of support your young person needs will be different from someone else’s. One person may need mum to sit with them through every mouthful, and another to eat alone. Some young people need a choice ‘This or that?’ whilst for someone else, any choice proves an absolute disaster.
Here are some useful things to have in mind:
Treat everything as an experiment - when something doesn’t go to plan, appreciate that you have learnt another way that isn’t as effective as you had hoped.
Remember, everything is temporary - believing that this too shall pass; we will get through this, can keep us going.
Keep hope alive - recovery is always possible. In my mind, it is the only thing worth believing. Your child can live a full and enjoyable life.
Be prepared to lead - The idea that the medical team are advisors to your family team. They are there to give their best advice, but you can advocate for your child, share your opinions and make your own choices.
Be curious - as we advocate for our child, we may have strong opinions when the treatment team say something you don’t agree with. Many times I have seen how helpful it can be to get curious, when you don’t agree, ask more questions, and ask the person to help you understand. You may never agree, but you will learn more that may be helpful.
There is no silver bullet - there is no one-size-fits-all. It is unlikely to be one single solution. Recovery will be made up of numerous small things.
Setbacks are information - you can never stand in the same river twice. Everything that happens is still information on route.
Small steps add up - Recovery won’t be faster than your child can cope with. Ultimately, the steps they are able to take will determine the speed of recovery. It is important to remember that even tiny steps build to huge change over time.
This can be both challenging and exhausting. Get all the help you can. Often, the parents who work with me comment on how helpful it is to have me sense-check their ideas about what they feel they need to do. If you need a hand with that, then you can book a chat with me on the link below.
Sending so much love,
Ruth xxx
You can work with me in several ways:
One-to-one, either online or face-to-face (near Cardiff, UK)
The Recovery Cwtch is a weekly online support group for parents who have a child with an eating disorder.
Would you like more awareness of eating disorders in a school or your workplace in the UK? Please get in touch with me to discuss how I can assist you.
Would you like your school, university, or youth club to run an eating disorder prevention programme (The Body Project) for its young people? If so, please get in touch.
To discuss any of the above, book a free find-out call with me: